This is Everything
by allie's hope
Summary: This story will follow Dan, Nate, Serena, Vanessa, Blair and Chuck after episode 4x2. There will be romance, hopefully humor, and a couple cliffhangers! Starts off with a fight between Nate and Serena.
1. In and Out of Love

A/N: Everything belongs to Ms. Von Ziegesar and the kingdom of CW. I would love it be all my own but it's not. Oh well.

**This story will focus on the relationships of Nate and Serena, Dan and Vanessa, and Chuck and Blair. It starts off right after episode 4x2 and I will use anything that has happened in the past seasons but as the episodes progress I may or may not use any of the storyline. I hope you enjoy and review please!**

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_In and out of love  
Hear what I'm sayin'  
In and out of love  
It's the way that we're playing  
In and out of love  
Too much is never enough  
She's gonna get ya_

"I'm sorry."

"For what? For humiliating me like that?" Serena angrily accused.

"Humiliating you? Is that what this is about? I humiliated you?" Nate incredulously asked, "And now you won't let me explain? Unbelievable."

Serena just stared at Nate dumbfounded. That wasn't all of it, but that was possibly some of it. She shrugged on her trench coat expecting Nate to wave her out sometime soon. Serena smelled the air around Nate and instantly recognized the scent of vanilla, a perfume scent she would never wear. It must have been the other woman.

"It's just, I came back for you. Not for Dan or for my mom or for anyone else. I came back for you and then I see you and the smug faced Juliette holding hands like newlyweds. I don't know Nate; I thought we could be real this time."

Nate shook his head and slammed his fist down on the counter in the penthouse kitchen. "Because the end of last year wasn't real enough? You had to go and screw a dozen Frenchmen to realize what was here all along?"

"That's not what I meant Nate. I've matured. Two months, as you so eloquently put it, of screwing Frenchmen, made me appreciate how much I was in love with you."

Nate turned around and whipped open the liquor cabinet, grabbing whatever he found first with his trembling hand. He offered some to Serena with a shrug but she shook her head. Reaching and grasping onto a cup he poured the amber whisky into the stout glass and threw it backwards down his throat. The taste of hard liquor so early in the day might have bothered him before a summer of black book escapades but not now, when he was so infuriated with the girl he loved.

"Hear me out Nate-"

"No! You know what Serena Van Der Woodsen? I don't give a shit whether you love me or not. Because obviously you didn't care if I loved you back at the beginning of the summer." Nate was disappointed in how angry he was, because when it came down to the truth of it, he loved the tall blonde standing in front of him. However pissed off and frustrated she was, he saw beauty and elegance pour off every inch of her skin. But he couldn't let those feelings get in the way of how much she had hurt him.

"Please Nate; just let me tell you why I want to be with you so badly." Serena nervously wrung her hands together, the bangles she had picked up from a store near the Louvre banging against each other. "I don't want anyone else. Maybe going to France wasn't exactly what our relationship needed, and maybe being away from you was a bad choice, but I'm here now, aren't I? And we can't keep looking back to our past for answers Nate; it's not going to help with anything."

"God Serena! I've had with you and your games; I'm done with all of it!" Nate wrenched himself away from the glass he was nursing and walked around the counter to where Serena was fidgeting in her place. Nate took a deep breath and looked right into Serena's eyes. "You need to leave, now. Please just go Serena."

Serena grabbed her bag off the counter and walked towards the large door Nate was holding open for. Just before she stepped over the threshold and into the hallway she turned to Nate.

"You said you were sorry for something? What were you talking about?" Serena looked at Nate hopefully.

Nate scratched his head regretfully. "Well I was going to tell you," Nate looked down at his beaten up boat shoes he had taken to wearing around the house, "that I was sorry for lying to you."

"You lied to me? About what?" Serena stepped back into the room and Nate shut the door behind her. She looked at Nate waiting for him to explain and then turned back to the door placing her hand on the handle. "What are you not sorry anymore? You know what; maybe I want to leave Nate. Maybe I'd rather you go on dating another older woman who can't do better than Nate Archibald and you can leave me out of it."

Serena turned the silver handle pulled the door open and walked out into the empty hallway towards the elevator. She didn't close the door behind her, so that maybe she would hear when Nate called out her name before the elevator made its stop on the top floor.

Nate didn't even bother watching her leave, knowing that Serena was absolutely not the only one to blame in this situation. Guilt wracking his body but frustration buzzing through his brain he slammed the door secretly hoping for the loud noise to travel down to the bottom floor where Serena was surely on her way out and let her know all the emotions coursing through his body.

He picked up his cell phone and dialled one of the many numbers he had become familiar with during the summer. The owner of the cellphone picked up on the third ring.

"Nathaniel? I thought you were finished with me, in fact I thought you were finished with all of us." The seductive voice cooed over the line. She was surprised at Nate's phone call but she was quick when she ran to collect her things.

"I was, I thought, but then things got bad again." Nate cursed inwardly; he wouldn't go spilling his guts to one of Chuck's girls. "No talking, just come over when you can."

"I'll be there in an hour Nathaniel." Zoë hung up the phone and slipped out of her sweater and jeans, opting for a corseted number underneath her long down filled winter coat. Not as sexy as undoing the tie on a trench coat to reveal whatever she wasn't wearing underneath but she had left that at the CEO of WestJet's last night.

Nate didn't know if he was doing the right thing if he ever wanted to get back together with Serena but thinking was not what he wanted to do right now. He poured himself another glass of whisky, shut off all the lights and drew the curtains closed. He didn't want to see anything when Zoë got there; he just needed to forget ever having that conversation with Serena.

The conversation had gone so differently than he had expected it. He was supposed to say sorry for pretending to be with Juliette and for spending the whole summer with young women crowding his apartment. But then Serena got defensive quickly and Nate's pride grew too large for any apologies to slip through the cracks.

After being rejected by not only Serena but Juliet in one day he needed to let go and not think about what Serena was doing at this moment. She was probably stepping out of the taxi in front of her building. Throwing her trench coat over her hair to protect herself from the rain and running shockingly fast for someone wearing four-inch heels towards the glass doors being held open by the doorman filling in for Vanya while he and Dorota took a trip to Florida for their overdue honeymoon.

Really Serena was slumped over a glass of alcohol looking the exact same as Nate was in his penthouse.

She had almost made it out of the door of the hotel when the lights flickered on in the restaurant bar at the back of the lobby. She had checked the watch Cecelia had given her for her eighteenth birthday noting it was only just one, but turned around without second-guessing herself and landed at the empty bar before a single bartender had even arrived yet. After five minutes the bar manager came out through the swinging door that led to the always bustling kitchen and noticed the dazzling but distraught looking woman sitting at the bar.

"And what can I get for you?" The man stepped behind the bar and contemplated Serena and the state she was in. Serena shrugged her shoulders exasperatedly. "On second thought, let me take I stab at it, and I'll see what I come up with."

Sam, as his nametag read, crouched down to survey the liquor bottles underneath the counter, then turned and stood up to pick one from the racks behind him. "I'll be right back."

Sam stepped back through the swinging doors and left Serena alone to stare blankly at the waterfall behind the bar.

"How about this?" Sam said hopefully as he held up a bottle proudly. "My best wine, a 2000 Chateau Mouton Rothschild."

Serena raised her eyebrow at Sam but he just nodded reassuringly. "I know what you're thinking." Sam uncorked the bottle and pulled a delicate wine glass onto the bar counter. "You're wondering why the hell I brought you wine to drink when what you really wanted was a shot of vodka."

Serena sat up straighter, intrigued by this man's seemingly sixth sense when it came to drinks. "I was hoping for something a little stronger than wine but if you insist."

Sam smiled and poured the wine expertly into Serena's glass. "You won't be disappointed. Believe me."

Serena pointed her eyes flirtingly at Sam and laughed to herself. "I'm not the first girl you've charmed with a highly expensive bottle of wine am I?"

"You're the only one I've brought out my baby for." Sam teased. He wiped the mouth of the wine bottle with his pristine white cloth and then pushed the glass towards Serena.

"I'm honoured." She took a sip and let the warm taste linger in her mouth, down her throat and in her stomach. "I'm Serena by the way. But don't think it was you that won me over. The Rothschild really did all of the work."

Sam chuckled and refilled Serena's glass as another customer walked into the restaurant and looked around dazedly. Sam noticed her air of confusion and called out to her. "Can I help you miss?" At the same time he dragged the bottle of red wine back under the counter. "For your eyes only." He muttered under his breath.

"I need a drink...now." The lady slurred. She stumbled over to the seat next to Serena and dropped her bag onto the next seat down. Serena noticed an empty bottle of rum poking out of the bag. Serena giggled and covered her mouth, exchanging a knowing look with Sam.

"What's your poison of choice?"

"Well, let's see, besides the bottle of rum I just downed in the elevator, I'll have a martini with extra everything. And you, because breaking up with my fiancée has left me all alone and I need someone now."

"Alright, well I can get the martini," Serena heard Sam say as she took another large sip of the pleasurably smooth wine. Her glass was almost empty as another bartender swung out of the kitchen, "And Liam will be happy to help with the other half of your order."

"Sam, I've got it from here. Thanks for coming in on such short notice." The bartender donned his apron and caught the keys Sam tossed him off his belt not knowing how early the first drunk and heartbroken lady had come in this shift. "Enjoy the rain."

"And you have fun with the customers." Sam said to Liam in passing.

Serena watched as Sam walked towards the door without saying goodbye and felt the smallest hint of disappointment. She gulped down the last sip of the delectable wine and tossed her money on the counter, thanked the new bartender and stepped away from the bar. Just as she was leaving the restaurant Sam burst out of the door and called out Serena's name. She turned and waited for him to catch up to where she was standing.

"Hey," Serena said.

"Would it be to forward if I asked what you were doing right now?" Sam asked cautiously, looking down at his hands jangling the change in his pockets.

"I would have said yes before you brought out that wine, but now, I think I just might be available." Serena replied coyly. She stepped into the lobby and Sam followed her towards the door. He held it open for her and then popped the umbrella up to cover them both.

"I haven't seen you working the bar before. Are you new here?" Serena waved her hand for a cab but Sam pulled it down holding onto her hand for an extra few seconds. Serena turned to look at him and smiled but Sam pulled his hand away anyways.

"I'm taking you for a walk if that's okay." Sam started walking and Serena grabbed his hand again, partly because she wanted to stay under the umbrella but also because she liked the way his soft hands felt in hers. "And no, I'm not new here; I started in April as the new manager but took a couple months break because of family issues. But I started again in June when things cleared up. I remember seeing you before the summer started; you were always on the arm of the perfectly coiffed model looking guy and you always looked so happy. I take it you're not with him anymore?"

Serena shook her head and looked directly ahead. "No we're not together anymore. It's complicated, but no, we're not together. I'm all yours."

"Perfect," Sam smiled and turned her down a side street, "because I want to take you somewhere."

"And will this special place have food? Because I haven't eaten since yesterday and I'm starving." Serena said as she realized how hungry she really was.

"Whatever food you could dream up will be there, as long as we make a stop at the market first." Sam answered while pulling Serena closer as a big group of classmates stormed past them. "Got to watch out for those field trip kids, they're always on a mission."

Serena looked up at him and smiled, "What would I have done if you hadn't been there?"

Sam played along with her damsel in distress act, "It's a good thing we didn't have to find out." Sam steered Serena and himself into a small grocery store where he told Serena to pick what she wanted.

"I'm thinking Alfredo pasta and garlic bread." She went for the pasta section. "Too much to ask for?"

"Not at all, in fact it's my specialty." Sam grabbed a pack of noodles and took them to the checkout along with a long loaf of French bread and cream.

"Perfect." Serena walked up behind Sam and boldly planted a kiss on his cheek as he accepted the change.

"And to what do I owe that pleasure?" Sam asked as they stepped back out into the now clear skied weather.

"You are exactly what I needed to make me remember how much I love this city. After a couple months in Paris I started to forget why I was so infatuated with New York." Serena squeezed his hand and leaned closer to him. "But you made me remember why. Thank you."

"I wouldn't have it any other way." Sam continued walking Serena down the street and swung their arms back and forth as if they were ten years old. "And if you don't mind me asking, if you were so out of love with New York, what made you come back?"

Serena swallowed and Sam immediately regretted answering the question. She stopped him and turned so they were facing each other. "I thought if I came back things would still be the exact same way they were when I left. But turns out they might better." Serena picked up her heels and stood on her tiptoes so that she and Sam were eye to eye.

Sam took the bait and leaned in to kiss her. Serena reacted and wrapped her hands around his neck feeling the stubble along the edge of his hairline. She slung her hands over his shoulders and pulled closer to him as he dropped the bag of food and wrapped his arms around her waist. She moved her left hand to caress his face, her thumb placed directly on his temple. He brought his hands up to her face and entangled one hand in Serena's hair. As the kiss intensified to a level completely inappropriate for a city street, a huge truck zoomed by splashing water all over the passionate couple.

Serena let out a scream and began laughing against Sam's lips. He too chuckled and ran his hand through his soaked hair. He gave Serena one last kiss and then picked up the groceries and they continued on down the street.

"You wouldn't happen to have an extra sweater when we get to your apartment would you?" Serena said as she tried to wring out her hair.

"I think I might be able to find something other than water drenched clothing." Sam then turned down another side street and after a few stores stopped. "I have to grab a little bit of parsley and garlic. It's a little crowded in there so you can wait outside if you want."

When Serena looked she decided that Sam was right, the store was packed full with shelves and cases of herbs and spices with only enough room for half a person. "I think I'll wait outside."

Serena watched as Sam walked in and began chatting with the sales clerk. They seemed to know each other by the way the man behind the counter shook Sam's hand. A couple minutes later Sam exited with a small bag and another kiss for Serena. "You know the man in there I see?"

"Yeah, he's an old family friend. He just opened up the store which explains all the boxes." Sam gestured back to the little shop. "Now we can go eat." Sam led them further along the street towards the same street that the hotel was one. When they reached the intersection they turned left and headed back towards the hotel.

Serena looked around for any other place where he could be taking her but concluded that he must be heading for the hotel. "You live back here?"

Sam nodded as they reached the doors. "I'm here temporarily while I look for a proper place to live."

Sam held the door open for Serena and then for another women coming in after.

"Thank you." Both women said at the same time.

Sam, Serena and the red-headed women all stepped into the elevator and Sam pressed 24 as the other women reached for 25. Serena whipped around and stared at the women. There was only one room on the top floor and Nate was currently occupying it. Serena pulled out her phone and thought about texting Nate to find out what he was up to but then she turned to Sam who was sincerely smiling at her and put her phone away. Who cared what Nate was doing? She was over Nate and had Sam now to keep her company, even if that's all it was.

When the elevator dinged at floor 24 Sam stepped out and lead Serena down the hall towards room 2431. Serena looked back at the elevator noting that it had now reached floor 25, but all Serena could think about was the warm hand wrapped around hers and Sam guiding her into the room.

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**Thankyou so much for reading and I would love it if you would review good or bad.**

**Anything you want to say, say it. Please.**

**Next chapter will be the introduction to Blair and Chuck**

**Allie**


	2. You Get Me Every Time

"_Skipping beats, blushing cheeks I am struggling  
Daydreaming, bed scenes in the corner café  
And then I'm left in bits recovering tectonic tremblings  
You get me every time."_

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Two days after Blair arrived home from Paris, she still hadn't left her apartment. Word of Chuck and Blair being back from Paris, but not together, had spread around the town quickly and Blair was not ready to face the rumours even if she had three new pairs of Louboutins and a Jason Wu dress. All she knew was that Chuck had a new girl on his arm, Eva and she was a soft spoken, beautiful, French blonde.

"Dorota!" Blair instinctively shouted from her perch on the golden rimmed chaise in the living room.

"Blair, you know Dorota isn't here for another ten days. As well, you must keep your voice quiet so we don't wake Ana. She is a light sleeper and can't be bothered." Eleanor reprimanded her daughter. "In fact why don't we avoid the whole situation and go out for lunch, to the new bistro on Seventh Avenue perhaps?"

Blair huffed and turned back to her copy of Tolstoy's War and Peace, a recommendation for her literature class at Columbia. "Mother, you know perfectly well that my cold permits me from leaving the house. If I did, it could and will only get worse and how will I attend the Frontman 's annual soiree if I am congested?"

Eleanor laughed at Blair's antics and took her glasses off her nose and placed them in the neck of her Diane Von Furstenberg wrap dress. "The only thing I know is that this cold of yours seems to be clearing up quite quickly, as if there was never a threat to your health at all. Fresh air will do whatever ailments, be it of your body or your heart," Eleanor took Blair's free hand in hers and squeezed it reassuringly, "plenty of good. As well I have heard rave reviews on the new bistro."

Blair smiled and stood up, tightening her Burberry bathrobe around her slim waist and headed up the curving staircase towards her bedroom. "Maybe your right, maybe some fresh air will help me forget Chuck Bass ever happened." She climbed a few more steps and pulled her hair out of its twisted ponytail, "Oh and Mother, I was going to ask Dorota for a strudel, have the other help fetch one for me quickly."

"Yes Blair, I will have someone fetch you your strudel." Eleanor said as she picked herself up off the chaise. "And you hurry up as well, the Frontman ball starts at seven and we don't have anything to wear."

Blair nodded and stepped up the last four steps, releasing a little more negativity with every stride. Her life did not depend on whomever Chuck Bass was dating or wherever in the world he was. She would enjoy the day with her mother and continue the festivities with Serena and Alexandria Frontman tonight at the ball.

Blair opened the door to her powder blue bedroom and swept her eyes across the whole of it. Something was wrong, and Blair could tell just by glancing at her shoe closet that someone other than Dorota had been in her bedroom. She went to open the door and call down to Eleanor before she noticed the note on her vanity. She walked over and saw it was lying in the place of a missing photograph. Instantly Blair recognized what picture was gone off her desk. It had been a photo of Blair and Chuck at his Hampton house, only a couple weeks after Chuck had pronounced his love for Blair. They had been stealing a secretive and passionate kiss, while lounging by the oval pool not expecting anyone to be watching, however Serena and Eric had arrived late the night before and Serena made her debut by jumping over the fence after returning from the beach with camera in hand. She had surprised both Blair and Chuck but Chuck made the best of the moment and grabbed Blair by the neck and pulled her in to continue the kiss. Serena snapped a multitude of photos as they relished in each other's touch but it was the picture of them breaking apart to stare into one another's eyes that became Blair's favourite. She had left the country so quickly after the Jenny Humphrey catastrophe that she hadn't thought to rid her room of any reminders of Chuck but it seemed that someone had done the job for her. Nostalgic as it was, Blair was glad it wasn't there to haunt her anymore.

Blair reached for the note realizing it was on paper monogrammed with the signature CB. She considered not opening it but it was tempting her and igniting her fingers with a curiosity only created by Chuck Bass. She opened the folded Manila paper and felt her heart flutter at Chuck's boyish handwriting. His penmanship had never been at all acceptable even after years of conditioning at St. Bart's. Chuck had always gotten Blair, in the months they had been together, his maids or his business assistant to write out any important documents.

The note read: _These are yours, I believe. Actually I know they are because you always looked so beautiful in them. I thought you might want them back. –Chuck_

Blair looked around the room confusedly wondering what Chuck could be referring to. But as she swept the room with her chocolate brown eyes all she could think was that Eva had to have a special touch for Chuck to write something like that to Blair. Something so sincere and true had to have been encouraged by Chuck's new saintly girlfriend.

Then Blair's eyes landed on her shoe closet remembering that something had seemed off. She stepped in and instantly noticed a pair of shoes on the floor instead of on a rack. They were ruby red Mary Jane's and she had always felt like a modern day, much wiser Dorothy in them. They gave her the power to bring any witch to the ground and to take her home in just three clicks. They had been a gift from Chuck. He had taken her to see the Broadway version of Wizard of Oz despite Blair's pleas to instead go see the Ballet. Surprisingly Blair had quite enjoyed it and Chuck had enjoyed that he was right. So the next morning when Blair woke up she was moved to find the pair of red Manolo's and a note that said _"Just three clicks and I'll be there whenever you need me…"_

Now seeing them in her closet Blair picked them up and sat down on her thousand thread count duvet and gingerly placed them on her petite feet doubting they would have the same magic as they did when she was still with Chuck. When she stood up and felt the familiar addition to her height and the arc of her feet caressed by the silk lining she closed her eyes and let herself imagine for just a second that Chuck had done everything right and had proposed to her.

But quickly she opened her eyes again and stepped out of the heels. She kicked them haphazardly into her closet and pushed a stray hair out of her eyes indignantly. Blair realized how much Chuck had been a part of her at one time and her toes curled in annoyance. She was an independent woman and didn't deserve to always have Chuck's presence looming over her. Yet she couldn't deny what they had had. The star-crossed romance had been far more passionate than hers with Nate and far more real than with anyone else. Blair realized she was letting herself slip into post-Chuck depression hurriedly and snapped out of it by talking a purposeful step towards her closet.

Once Blair picked out her outfit and shoes, curled her hair into a perfect ballerina bun and applied a natural dose of makeup she climbed the stairs downward and met her mother and baby Ana in the foyer. Blair remembered the days when she thought it was her mother who was pregnant and thanked whatever God there was, if there was one, for placing the bun in Dorota's oven, to put it as eloquently as Blair was feeling.

"You look darling." Eleanor mused as Blair pressed the call button for the penthouse elevator. "You did your hair nicely this morning."

"Thank you." Blair replied icily.

"And your coat is just to die for. Is it new?" Eleanor asked.

"Why yes, thank you for noticing mother," Blair turned to her mother with a faux smile plastered across her face, "but please, if you wouldn't mind, enough of the bullshit. I know what you're doing."

Eleanor looked around falsely mystified by Blair's profound statement. "What do you mean Blair? I was just admiring your coat." Eleanor chuckled at Blair as she pushed Ana's stroller into the cozy elevator.

"Stop! I'm not stupid. You are trying to distract me from thinking about Chuck." Blair lifted her chin proudly and caught a glimpse of herself in the ceiling mirror. Her hair did look good. "But I'll have you know that all I am thinking about is how I didn't get my strudel this morning and how I need to find the perfect dress for tonight. So stop your pitying and just pay attention to the baby. She seems to have taken a liking to your new scarf."

"Oh Anastasia, stop that." Eleanor chided the young girl as she soaked the scarf with her curious lips. "She is already so much like me. Wonderful!"

Blair grimaced at her mother's contemplations as they reached the ground floor and stepped outside. Blair smiled albeit just slightly at the familiar smell of her city and the bustle of the people running about the streets desperately trying to get to wherever they were going in such a rush. She had been gone just long enough to have missed the city, with all its misshapen statues and indie filmmakers and couldn't wait to settle back in the Upper East Side.

Once Blair and Eleanor reached the café Blair had already witnessed five dog walkers, seven doormen and one fake Rolex vendor. She was home and nothing could change that. Well, except for Chuck Bass. And it would be that contemptuous man who ruined Blair's reveries.

"Charles, how lovely it is to see you!" Eleanor greeted as she stood up from her window facing seat at the cozy table. As she pecked both cheeks of his chiselled face Eleanor cast a sideways glance at Blair, reprimanding her mentally, to stand up and greet Chuck as well.

"Always a pleasure Eleanor; and how is Anastasia?" Chuck asked. But Blair knew he didn't care. He had never cared much for anything younger than him, except for Blair of course who was four months his junior. However in light of the circumstances, Blair considered that a mistake on both their parts.

"She is beautifully fine and growing quickly." Eleanor returned with much more enthusiasm.

Without even feigning interest, Chuck turned to Blair. "Blair." He nodded curtly, as if they didn't know each other's darkest secrets or the whereabouts of each and every curve on the other's body. "How are you?"

"Wonderful. I am wonderful." Blair answered, sounding less honest with every syllable that she spoke.

"Well, would you like to join me outside if you are so wonderful?" Chuck requested.

Blair turned away from his stare towards the bassinet holding a sleeping Anastasia. If only Blair could be that young again. When her biggest fear was when she would see her mother again. She wished she could spend a whole day just sleeping, wrapped up in a cashmere blanket. But alas, she was older now and had decisions to make.

"Believe it or not but I would like to stay wonderful." Blair said coldly. "However, this café's service is terribly slow so I might as well waste a little of my time in the outdoors." Blair avoided her mother's eye knowing fully well that the look in Eleanor's eyes would be enough to make Blair apologize.

Blair stood and followed Chuck outside, through the revolving door at the front and around the side to the pond built as scenery in the bustling city. There were a few other people meandering about the small rose bushes and around the coy fish filled water. But they stayed near the front where the benches with names etched in memorial were situated whereas Chuck led Blair to the very back where the archway of Star Magnolias swung over the pathway of beach glass.

The pair stood in silence, and if anyone had bothered to look backwards and through the Chinese maples they could have mistaken the distanced couple as one in love. Blair shuffled her feet and swung her Tory Burch purse from her right arm to her left. Chuck ignored his surroundings and stared furtively at the multi-coloured walkway.

Finally Blair got impatient enough and broke the silence. "Why Chuck?" Chuck's head snapped up and for a split second he thought she might be referring to the Jenny debacle but her follow up assured she would not be bringing that up any time. "Why did you bring me out here?"

"We needed to talk," Chuck replied, "without all the glamour and confusion of Paris."

Blair nodded in agreement. Neither of them had been completely truthful or sane at the time of their last brief talk. Blair had been about to be romanced by Louis in addition to being distraught over the news that Chuck had almost been killed, while Chuck had been completely out of it with only Eva and a new life on his mind. "You start and I'll listen."

Chuck laughed at Blair's firmness and brought his hands out of his trouser pockets. He was uncomfortable with his hands revealed, as if they were afraid of the light, or naked in front of an audience of thousands. Chuck opened his mouth to speak but as he met Blair's eyes he stumbled over his words and lost his train of thought. He turned away ashamedly and when he brought his eyes back to Blair, she was now the one avoiding his deep brown eyes, apparently entranced by a butterfly hovering over a water lily.

"What I meant to say was," Chuck started and he heard Blair take a deep breath in and stand up straighter, "I am sorry." And the sincerity in the statement rang true across the whole island of Manhattan.

Blair inhaled sharply and both brown eyes met underneath the white and green archway. Those were the words that had been chasing Blair through her dreams for the past month. They were the four syllables that Blair, though never admitted, thought about every moment she was reminded of Chuck and the only four that would bring closure. Yet as she stood there hearing them, there was something off about the words. Chuck was not apologizing because he wanted closure; he was apologizing because of their history, because of the respect he had for Blair and because he might still have feelings for her. And as much as Blair petitioned her heart not to need Chuck and not to reminisce about their days together, she couldn't. He was a part of her and their time as one had been the most memorable part of her nineteen years.

"Thank you Chuck," were the only words Blair could conjure as she stood there lost in the eyes of the man she had once loved. Blair trembled as Chuck reached up his hand towards Blair's silky cheek. He used his thumb to caress her bottom lip while teasing her earlobe with his pointer finger. She arched her back and folded into his touch relishing his fiery fingers dancing over her skin. But quickly she realized what was happening and sputtered out a rejection. "Don't Chuck."

Chuck halted in midair and for a second Blair watched a moment of emotion crease Chuck's face. He lowered his hand and straightened his white jacket in one swoop. Blair could see her rejection hurting him and almost grabbed his hand back again to place his fingers back on her cheek but her ever rational conscience stopped her and as they stood there facing each other in complete silence all that passed between them was confusion.

Chuck cleared his throat and adjusted his bow tie firmly. He turned to leave nodding at Blair but before he could make it to the turn in the trail of glass Blair flung her hand out to capture his own. Chuck turned and this time he let the bewilderment wash completely over his face. Blair shook her head and let a desperate tear roll down her porcelain cheek bone. Again Chuck nodded his head but this time it wasn't as a means of goodbye, it was of utter understanding and of agreement.

"I don't know what to say Chuck." Blair crumpled as she admitted a weakness not known to anyone. "I loved you once but you hurt me. And now I don't know if I am allowed to care for you ever again."

Chuck came closer to Blair as she pulled him in and quickly he had his hands in her hair. She rested her forehead in the scoop of his chin and let her arms drop limply to her side. Chuck felt Blair squeezing her eyes closed willing the tears that were waiting to spill to stay inside instead of out. He stroked her hair as it fell out of the perfect bun and cascaded across her stoic shoulders.

"I'm here Blair." Chuck reassured the broken woman. But as soon as he said it Blair pulled away and began hastily pinning her hair back and wiping her tears.

"You're not though. You have Eva now." Blair crossed her arms proudly as she gained the upper hand again after her minor meltdown.

Chuck was at a loss for words as he was brought back to reality. Being with Blair seemed to suck him fully and thoroughly out of the real world and into a fantasy. But then there was Eva. Wholly unlike Blair and entirely real; she was what Chuck needed to take him away from the life he had once loved.

"Say something Chuck." Blair pleaded. She was twisting in her spot and as she waited for Chuck to something the least bit definitive her mind wandered to just hours before she had found out about Jenny and Chuck. It had been her alone at the top of the Empire State Building and now it was her alone in the Pond Park. Even though Chuck was but a mere foot away, he seemed miles from where Blair was at the moment.

"I don't know what to say either Blair," and with that Chuck turned and marched off frustrated, but not with Blair or Eva or his infatuation with either of them but frustrated with himself.

"Chuck!" Blair yelled after him. She stomped her feet in a moment of exasperation. "You brought me here." Blair's voice waned as she realized how stupid she was being. She had been caught up in a moment of Chuck and had lost her rationality. She watched as Chuck paced out of the park giving the other park goers a display of what the loving couple at the back of the park really was.

She watched as her moment of hope turned the corner and realized things with Chuck would never be that easy.

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